I left for college in late 2000 – but that didn’t stop Chris Moore! He spent the next 5 years still showing up on the pages, haunting my dreams, and drifting in and out of my life. Time to show more of my crazy. Here goes:
10/5/00 – “I can’t stop thinking about Chris Moore and I just want to slap myself. How stupid am I?
10/15/00 – “I can’t stop thinking about HIM. Get out of my head already!…I can’t kick this Chris thing. It SUCKS. I might email him – even though he hates me…I’m listening to Lenny Kravitz – Let Love Rule because me & Chris used to listen to it in his POS that I love. Make it go away! I want him out of my head.”
10/17/00 – “So it ate me up inside – and I IM’ed him. He confessed how he fucked up and took my love for granted. We reminisced about the old times and both agreed that it was the best relationship we’ve both ever had…I still love Chris Moore.”
That first Thanksgiving break, I came home and we spent the entire time with one another. Christmas break, too. We had ups and downs, times of togetherness and also some times apart. But even during our “off” times, he was always there.
2/9/01 – “Moore & I are friends now – and that’s it. We talk every few days and it is all cool – so whatever.”
3/13/01 – “I saw Chris Moore over the vaca – we hooked up. I swear, I love him – I love being with him – but he’s such a jerk sometimes. I don’t know what to do.”
4/30/01 – “Chris was my everything – my whole life revolved around him for how many years now?”
6/10/01 – “So I talked to Moore last night. He wanted to go get coffee and I said no.”
6/23/01 – “Saw Moore @ 7-11. We talked for like and hour & a half. He borrowed my sweatshirt and “forgot” to give it back. So I purposely stopped by yesterday when I only had 5 mins. So he invited me to come have dinner Monday – he’ll cook and his parents are away. So I told him I’d think about it.”
10/26/01 – “So I’ve been chit-chatting with Moore.”
2/11/02 – “Am I still talking to Chris Moore? Yes – occasionally – he called my cell phone & we chatted & nothing huge.”
Cinco de Mayo 2002, flowers arrived for me out of the blue. The card simply read: “May 5th. A day to always remember. I’ll always love you.” It wasn’t signed, but I knew that handwriting. And yes, I still have that card.
A few days later, a handwritten poem arrived in the mail. I’ll save you every verse. But I’ll share this excerpt: “It’s so perfect I wish I could go back there again. She wasn’t shy and neither was I. In no time we were friends. I can’t help but think that maybe there could be more.” And yes, I still have that poem.
Early August another letter arrived from the Bayport Fire Department. A handwritten address, but a typed letter to members from Dept. Secretary Chris Moore letting everyone know that the Islip Town Parade has been made COMPULSORY. Inside were two handwritten messages:
“Dear Jenny, I love you, always and forever. P.S. you smell…bad.”
“Jen, I don’t know what it is about you, but I just don’t think I could eva live without you! Don’t ever leave me. Love you lots + lots. -Chris”
And yes, I still have that letter.
8/24/02 – “Hangin out with Moore again lately. I just love him. Life is just so different w/ him. Like more relaxed, more easygoing, more educated.”
We went to Vermont in Late August – this time just the two of us. We stayed at the world famous 2-star Olympia Lodge. It was an amazing trip. We hit the top of Mount Equinox before the hotel got knocked down. We hiked in the preserve. I wore that cute blue United Colors of Benetton sweater that he got me as a present. I can’t be 100% certain because my memory doesn’t serve me quite like it used to, but this may also have been the trip where we got all gussied up for dinner and showed up to some townie bar in Bennington later in the night – drinking, playing those peel off games, and getting dirty looks!
Throughout the next couple of months, Chris would come visit me for weekends – flying up on Friday night and leaving on the first flight out on Monday. He’d go straight to work from the airport. It was romantic. And it was great to have him with me. I had Mia at the time, my adorable black cat, and when Chris would snuggle with her it would just melt me.
There was one trip where we decided to have a little weekend getaway over the border in Canada, and a certain someone (hint: not me) forgot his ID at my apartment! Getting out of the country was no problem. We walked around town, went out to eat, and visited Niagara Falls – where we took one of our most favorite pictures of us.
When it was time to come home, we approached the border agent and were immediately asked for our IDs to get back into the US. Gulp. We proceeded to get grilled. There was lots of questioning. But in the end, they let us through! I guess we passed the BS detector test and came off as exactly what we were: two kinda nervous kids who just wanted to get home. Looking back, I’m grateful that it wasn’t too much of a hassle and that they let us back through fairly quickly given the circumstances.
And then…just like that, we were off again. He went cross-country without me later in the year and it hurt. Bad. I remember hearing from him once when he was in Corpus Christi, TX. I was worried all the time. And on November 1st, I got a blank postcard from St. Louis, MO. But I knew his handwriting, and I knew he missed me. And yes, I still have that postcard.
2003 and 2004 we drifted apart more than we had in the past. To be fair, somewhere in this timeframe I stood him up on a ski trip. I honestly don’t remember the particulars, but I do know it’s something he never forgot. There were hurt feelings, other people in our lives, distance, and all the stresses of becoming adults. But don’t worry, my diary still said things like:
2/22/03 – “Every day I think about Moore…We just enjoy life the same exact ways. I look at pics now and I cry and I’m empty…I want him back. I want him here. I want it all to go back.”
2/19/04 – “I’m at school, go home for T-giving and X-mas break and hang out with who else? Moore. Naturally.”
3/6/05 – “So here I am packing up all my shit to leave Buffalo. 3/10 is my last day here…”
And still I knew it wasn’t the end….
