I was so in love with Chris. But even so, after we met, it was touch and go. I was head over heels, but honestly, also pretty boy crazy. Chris was no angel either – yet he was still calling and beeping me all the time! We were young, hormonal, and had no idea what love actually was. But in 10th grade and 12th grade, Chris made my “I’m madly in love with…” line on the annual form that they made us fill out in gym class. Yes, I still have them.
But I’ll tell you this – Chris is the only recurring theme in my diary. He shows up every few pages. Sometimes I’m angry about what a jerk he is. Sometimes it’s how I’m dating some loser and all I can do is think about Chris, and I secretly see him behind my “boyfriend’s” back. Sometimes Chris is the cheater and I hate his guts. Sometimes I hate myself for going back to him. And sometimes, life is just perfect with him. But regardless of the week (yes, it changed that often), I still pick up the phone when he calls. He still makes his way into the pages one way or another. Here are just a few of the lovey-dovey, crazy teenage-y, kinda funny, kinda cringe-y bits! But I wouldn’t change a single one…
5/17/97 – “Me & Chris are goin out. 1 week 2-day. It is Aunt Jean’s b-day 2-day. Chris is comin over for the party. I love him. He’s so sweet – and hot. He is gorgeous. He always knows just what 2 say.”
5/31/97 – “Me & Chris are doing soooo good. I love him sooo much. We hung out at his house 2-day then we went to the pool hall.”
7/1/97 – “I dumped Chris.” (Sorry, boo). “Me & him are still good friends. We’re going to the movies tomorrow.”
7/24/97 – “I really like Chris Moore! I realized this yesterday at the Bronx Zoo. Should I tell him? I would be able to easily.”
7/30/97 – “Well I told Chris. We are going back out now.” (Haha, that was easy).
8/10/97 – “I dumped Chris like 3 days ago.” (Sorry again, boo).
9/8/97 – “I just got off the phone with Moore. I love him. I really do. I regret breaking up with him. I wish we were still going out. I love his humor, his laugh, his looks, his personality, his touch, his kiss, and his love. I wish we were together so bad.”
9/11/97 – “Chris came to my house! We were chillin and he told me he loved me, well he spelled it out on my neck twice! So we wound up nose to nose…then that is when we kissed – big time. I could not believe it. So we are going out…this is the third time. That’s okay. I love him.”
10/2/97 – “Me and Chris are awesome. I love him so much. He is truly my first love. I realize it now.”
11/17/97 – “I dumped Chris the night of the 9th. I was in a really vulnerable state on Sunday night and he pissed me off so badly. Oh well. I just got off the phone with him. I am crying. I regret it with all my heart. Well I don’t know what to do.”
11/21/97 – “I am not talking to Chris – we got in a fight.”
12/23/97 – “Me & Chris had a huge fight. He came over after Thanksgiving dinner and we – well you know – I fell for him yet one more time. Then Monday at skool I find out that on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, he was on someone else’s neck at the movies. I was ready to kill him. Now here I am. I went to Moore’s tonight. God I was stupid. Of course we were completely lovey-dovey…I love him soooo much.”
9/5/98 – “I went to the pool hall tonight…when like an angel out of the clouds, for some reason, came Chris Moore. It was wild. So all in all, the guys left at like 10:30. Chris offered me a ride home at 11. I took it. We talked like mad…Oh boy…I actually felt something there. It was crazy…He looks great. I don’t know. I did feel something but nooo way.”
10/10/98 – “Me & Chris have been talking on like a best friend term. It is great. I really am happy that we can be such good friends.”
10/13/98 – “Well I hung out with Moore today. He put the moves on.”
4/2/99 – “…then who beeps me? CHRIS MOORE! Yes, he wants to hang out after 6 tomorrow. Hmmm…let’s see, his girlfriend is in Greece…what could he POSSIBLY WANT?!”
4/3/99 – “Tonight I went to the pool hall with Chris Moore. Then, we went back to his house, where eventually, we hooked up!…I don’t know what to do…He gets to me, but he makes me laugh.”
4/28/99 – “I’ve been hooking up with Chris Moore lately – yes, he is still with her. Oh god. He says he’ll break up with her, but nuttin is happening.”
8/2/99 – “Well – guess who I hung out with tonight? The infamous Chris Moore. Through thick and thin, he’s been there. I truly love him…Chris is truly right for me. Forever…Job interview @ Dog + Duck tomorrow noonish. Lunch w/ Chris @ Tony’s at 2:30 – sharp.”
8/3/99 – “I love him. Really. I feel like I can tell him anything and even though we always joke around, I can be serious . I am deff. going to marry him…He asked me to get an apartment with him next year…Oh god, I’m always back to him…I love Chris.”
8/20/99 – “I’m still with Chris and I love him dearly. I went to Vermont last week with with him and his parents. He threw his knee out one morning screwing around with me in my bed!…Chris passed his road test today (yesterday, it’s 1:30 am)…Chris and I are great. I am so in love right now. We went canoeing in Vermont together. I love him so fucking much. I am going to marry him.”
I have a few pages in a book from that trip. We played MASH – where of course, Chris was the one I was supposed to marry. We played tic tac toe (no one won). I brought him a present. Spoiler alert: it was cigarettes, haha. And he did a cute little drawing which included vampire teeth, a man with a noose around his neck, and the words “Jay-Z + See More.” Dark!
9/13/99 – “I’m just a mess…Chris seems so frustrated. I love him so much and all I get is a meaningless kiss and 15 minutes of his spare time. On the 16th, he’s going in for surgery on his knee. I understand that that he’s stressing, but he is not telling me anything. I just called him and he rushed me off the phone.”
9/27/99 – “Well me and Chris broke up on 9/24/99. “He needs time but can see us together in the future.” Whatever. Copout bullshit. He still comes over and calls, though. And I still love him.”
12/07/99 – “Me and Chris got back together and then broke up for good.”
2/23/00 – “I keep trying to picture my dream guy…it’s Chris Moore laughing – that stupid laugh w/ that big teethy smile and the wrinkles next to his eyes…he is so perfect…I’d do so much for him.”
And then I left for college on 8/24/2000. But we didn’t end it there…
